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EFFector       Vol. 17, No. 11a       April 1, 2004

A Publication of the Electronic Frontier Foundation     ISSN 1062-9424

In the 666th Issue of EFFector:

EFF Announces Key Escrow Plan

Encryption Keys To Be Safeguarded in Executive Director\'s Desk

In response to renewed law enforcement demands for expanded access to Americans\' communications, EFF today unveiled its own "key escrow" proposal. Under this scheme, parties who wish to communicate securely (as well as technology innovators and online service providers who wish to offer secure communications) can receive encryption keys directly from EFF.

EFF will generate the keys securely using a special set of secure dice rolled by teams of interns.

EFF will also retain a copy of the keys provided in order to facilitate potential lawfully authorized surveillance by law enforcement agencies. The organization has pledged to lock up the keys in a secure facility, namely the bottom desk drawer in the office of EFF Executive Director Shari Steele.

"Our Executive Director is very trustworthy," noted EFF Staff Technologist Seth Schoen. "Also, her desk is made out of some kind of hardwood. It is very polished and ready for use."

A law enforcement agent who obtains a valid warrant will be able to contact Steele directly to receive prompt access to relevant keys. "Nobody else offers a key escrow solution this secure and effective," said Schoen.

"Mmm...Strong crypto," said Bruce "Roy" Schneier, a guy who knows a lot about this stuff.

For the full media release:
http://www.eff.org/cgi/tiny?urlID=168

SCO to Sue Over Unauthorized Use of Earth\'s Resources

Lindon, UT - On the heels of its campaign against users of the Free Software program Linux, the SCO Group today announced that it will begin a new round of lawsuits against users of other free resources, including fire, water, air and land.

"People think they can just use free things without paying for them," said SCO CEO Daryl McBribe. "This kind of \'socialism\' is anti-American and a violation of the Constitution. It\'s up to corporations like SCO to crush that kind of idealism."

Added Daryl\'s other brother Daryl, "Yeah, what he said."

SCO plans to offer a generous and reasonable licensing program for Earth\'s remaining natural resources with prices as low as $700 per carbon-based life form.

"We think once people realize how much money it takes to fund lawsuits...er...um. I mean, innovation, they will happily sign up," said McBribe.

NYT article on SCO lawsuits:
http://www.eff.org/cgi/tiny?urlID=168

Studio Sues to Enjoin Children from Blinking, Singing During TV Show

Hollywood, CA - Twentieth Century Ferret Pictures announced today that it will begin suing children 2-6 years old for creating unauthorized derivative works of its popular "Bernard the Talking Dinosaur" television show. Children, the studio claims, often blink, babble or sing while watching the show.

"This is a clear violation of our exclusive rights over the show\'s performance," said Wade Aminute, spokesman for Ferret. "Closing your eyes during the broadcast, even for a moment, materially modifies the sequence of images that will be seared into one\'s brain for eternity. Not to mention that it interferes with our subliminal product placements. We cannot allow such intrusions upon the sanctity of our creative works."

Ferret says it expects most children will settle the suits for between three lollipops and their rock collection.

Wired article on the lawsuits:
http://www.eff.org/cgi/tiny?urlID=168

Microsoft Wins Patent for Software Industry Monopolization

Redmond, WA - Microsoft Corporation today announced that the United States Patent and Trademark Office (PTO) has officially awarded the company Patent No. 7,543,332, entitled "Method of Monopolizing a Software Industry." The patent, filed in 1995, covers the development of operating systems and desktop applications that render users helplessly dependent upon flawed yet ubiquitous software platforms.

"Microsoft has been a leader and an innovator in this field for years," said Ari Ukidingme, a spokesman for the software giant. "We figured - Hey, why not use it to get a legal monopoly?"

Microsoft says it has no plans to sue on the patent at present but has entered into licensing negotiations with SCO over its Linux-related activities.

Washington Post article on the patent:
http://www.eff.org/cgi/tiny?urlID=168

Let the Sun Set on PATRIOT - Section 69

Welcome to part nine of "Let the Sun Set on PATRIOT," an EFFector series on the battle to let some of the most troubling provisions in the USA PATRIOT Act expire, or "sunset." Each week, we profile one of the 13 provisions set to expire in December of 2005 and explain in plain language what\'s wrong with the provision and why Congress should allow it to sunset. This week we look at Section 69, which requires all airline passengers to travel in the nude.

How PATRIOT Section 69 Changed the Law

Before PATRIOT, you could make plans to travel without feeling the need to get in shape first, and without scheduling a visit to the local tanning salon. That Bugs Bunny tatoo was strictly between you and Selma. And that\'s kinda what made it so special, wasn\'t it?

After PATRIOT: Goodbye, ego. Dang, things really *have* headed south a bit since college, haven\'t they?

Why Section 69 Should Be Repealed

Section 69 makes it a crime to "board a flight fully clothed," because otherwise you can "hide a lot of terrorist activity under there." But, as we note above, our egos are already fragile and just-this-side-of-bruised. Worse, we\'re now sorely tempted to go on the Atkins diet, but our cousin Peggy told us that that doctor guy died of a heart attack. We\'re not thinking that sounds very "healthy."

Conclusion

EFF supports the repeal of Section 69, which would strip us of our most fundamental clothes. We also support the Look But Don\'t Touch Act (S 1984/HR 2001) and encourage you to visit EFF\'s Action Center today to let your representatives to know you support the bill:
http://www.eff.org/cgi/tiny?urlID=168

FBI\'s "Totally Voluntary" Brain Implant Adds New Dimension to Trusted Traveler Program

Washington, DC - The FBI announced today that the new brain implant technology will be "totally voluntary," but that with so many benefits, "Why would anybody say no?"

"It\'s a brave new world we live in, and with the new implant technology, your location and safety can be assured 24/7. RFID readers will make showing ID at airports - or Nevada roadside stops - a thing of the past," said FBI spokesperson Who Dunnit. "And with the bonus addition of the new PC Thought(TM) module, all evil thought can be banned before you even think it."

The chip will initially be offered free to prisoners who opt to leave physical incarceration and business-class airline passengers.

NYT piece on the implant:
http://www.eff.org/cgi/tiny?urlID=168

EFF to Offer Tin Foil Hats as Membership Premium

Tired of that voluntary implant telling every traffic light who you are? No money to go to Brazil and have it removed? Join EFF at the sustainer level, choose the EFF-insignia embossed "tin foil hat" as your premium, and there will be no more red lights for you, pal.

Join EFF today!:

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miniLinks features noteworthy news items from around the Internet.

Staff Calendar

For a complete listing of EFF speaking engagements (with locations and times), please visit the full calendar.

Administrivia

EFFector is published by:

The Electronic Frontier Foundation
454 Shotwell Street
San Francisco CA 94110-1914 USA
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 http://www.eff.org/

Editor:
Donna Wentworth, Web Writer/Activist
  donna@eff.org

Møøse trained by TUTTE HERMSGERVORDENBROTBORDA

Special Møøse Effects OLAF PROT
Møøse Costumes SIGGI CHURCHILL
Møøse Choreographed by HORST PROT III
Miss Taylor\'s Møøses by HENGST DOUGLAS-HOME
Møøse trained to mix concrete and sign complicated insurance forms by JURGEN WIGG
Møøses\' noses wiped by BJORN IRKESTOM-SLATER WALKER

Large møøse on the left half side of the screen in the third scene from the end, given a thorough grounding in Latin, French and "O" Level Geography by BO BENN

Suggestive poses for the Møøse suggested by VIC ROTTER
Antler-care by LIV THATCHER

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