~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ eye WEEKLY June 16 1994 Toronto's arts newspaper ...free every Thursday ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ EYE NET EYE NET LIMBAUGH THE BLOATED ONE GETS HIS ON THE NET by K.K. CAMPBELL Rush Limbaugh says the Internet community is being too mean to him. Awww. The Bloated One threw a hissy-fit on his Marconi love-in, The Rush Limbaugh Radio Show. He says he keeps getting unfriendly email from people with Internet accounts! Imagine that! John Switzer, some Internet Limbaugh-bum-buddy who religiously listens to every broadcast and summarizes the porker's pearls into handy digital digests for 'Net readership, captured the Rush-whine for posterity. Limbaugh says people should stop writing such "scathing notes" because they don't bother him -- no, sir, not at all, I don't care, "I-know-you-are-but-what-am-I"?! He says the Internet is where "tightwads go and hang out" -- as opposed to his homebase, CompuServe, which is about as corpulent and fatty as Rush himself. There are two Usenet discussion groups dedicated to Limbaugh -- alt.fan.rush-limbaugh and alt.rush-limbaugh. Switzer laments these areas are "full of people who hate Rush and his show, and who take great pleasure in going into detail each and every day explaining why they hate him. Rush used to get these groups sent directly to him, but he's blocked them now so he's spared from their vitriol." Awwwwww. Limbaugh then declares support for the U.S. government/National Security Agency's "Clipper chip" -- a government/spy effort to be able read everyone's private email. U.S. spooks worry phone taps will be useless in the email age without a Clipper chip. Limbaugh says he's almost willing to support the Clipper chip "just so he could find out who some of the people on the Internet are that constantly send him these diatribes." Unbelievable. If you wanna tell Limbaugh how much you love him, send email to 70277.2502@compuserve.com. SPAM Speaking of high-fat diseased-meat products -- ya gotta understand "spam." Spam/spamming is a major topic on Usenet of late. Spamming involves sending the same message to huge numbers of newsgroups or private mailing lists. Spamming is a cardinal sin. Don't spam. Spam was originally some tinned pig product -- Spiced Pork And Ham. Monty Python did a diner sketch about Spam. The menu, as recited by waitress Terry Jones in drag, consists of "egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and Spam; egg bacon and Spam; egg bacon sausage and Spam; Spam bacon sausage and Spam; Spam egg Spam Spam bacon and Spam; Spam sausage Spam Spam bacon Spam tomato and Spam; Spam Spam Spam egg and Spam; Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam baked beans Spam Spam Spam; etc." All the while, Spam-loving Vikings in the background sing its praises. Hence the connection: repetition = spam. The most celebrated spam in Usenet history has to be the recent Canter and Siegel saga. This two-bit, suck-my-left-nut law firm in Arizona -- Laurence Canter was charged with neglect, perjury and misuse of client funds in Florida by that state's bar -- posted an ad in some 5000-plus newsgroups about a U.S. "lottery" to win a free green card, or work permit. People can fill the application themselves, but C&S offers do the paper work for only a few hundred bucks. Had the ad been posted to relevant groups, like soc.culture.USA, etc., it might have passed without much fuss. But C&S uploaded their ad to everything from alt.sex.fetish.feet to comp.bbs.misc. And they've done it twice. What's more, Canter has appeared on CNN saying he'll do it again -- ever-clueless Sonya, of Sonya Live (sonyalive@aol.com), seemed to consider Canter a "business pioneer." C&S aren't the first to spam, and won't be the last. Another famous spam was from Clarence Williams IV somewhere in the U.S. mid-West -- a deadly-serious post proving the L.A. quake was evidence Jesus Was Comingt. To get the Spam sketch, ask in alt.fan.monty-python newsgroup. Asking for Spam sketch in a.f.m-p is netiquette; asking for Spam sketch in 9,000 newsgroups is spamming. Lots of debate about spamming in news.admin.misc or alt.current-events.net-abuse. MEDIUM RARE Speaking of controversial seared meat -- read about Canada's most notorious UFO burn victim. There's one powerful UFO-research community in cyberspace. Most of what's on the Internet weeds its way in from Paranet and MUFON. But Canada's own Chris Rutkowski -- rutkows@ccu.umanitoba.ca -- makes available a copy of his "Report On Falcon Lake Case." May 20, 1967 -- Stephen Michalak, "amateur prospecting" over the Victoria Day long weekend through Manitoba wilderness, claims he encountered a landed UFO and was burned when it took off. No question Michalak came back badly burned and seriously ill. Rutkowski notes how few Canadians know of the incident, though it might be the most investigated case in North American history, involving both Canadian and American air forces, the RCMP and various civilian groups. Rutkowski wrote the research paper in 1980. When the case was dramatized for Unsolved Mysteries in '92 and '93, he made the report available to Internetters. At the shell prompt, type "ftp ftp.rutgers.edu" (without quotes). Once in the Rutgers computer, look for falcon-lake.1967.Z in directory/pub/ufo -- the .Z means it's compressed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Retransmit freely in cyberspace Author holds standard copyright Full issue of eye available in archive ==> gopher.io.org or ftp.io.org eye@io.org "Break the Gutenberg Lock..." 416-971-8421