CAPPS II | Spyware/Adware | RFID | TIA | Carnivore | Matrix | USA PATRIOT | Data-Mining | CALEA for VOIP | FISA
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CAPPS II, a.k.a. "CAPPSilla"Violations: Crushes air travelers' right to privacy; stomps on the freedom to travel.Description: Frequently masquerades as a sensible measure to stop terrorists from boarding airplanes. Currently on the lam from government authorities; last seen attempting to sink below the public's radar. Aliases: CAPPSilla, The Eye in the Sky Status: Though not yet fully armed, CAPPS II is a mortal threat to your privacy. We ask that you immediately report all sightings to your Congressional representative. Any information leading to arrest will be handsomely rewarded. |
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Spyware/Adware, a.k.a. "The Fly (on the Wall)"Violations: Feeds upon the private information of unsuspecting Internet users. Known to attach itself parasitically to otherwise benign software.Description: Watches your every move on the Internet and reports back to its owner. Aliases: The Fly (on the Wall), The Tick Status: At large. Suspected of colluding with other parasites to create "consumer profiles" that make your privacy vulnerable to all forms of stealth attack. |
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RFID, a.k.a. "The Tattler"Violations: Can be used to pinpoint the location of whatever it's embedded in. Indiscriminately broadcasts whatever information it carries to whomever has the equipment to read it.Description: A blabbermouth. Follows you wherever you go and tells everyone your private business. Aliases: The Tattler, Amplifier, Megaphone, The Bug Status: Threatens to appear soon in pretty much every consumer good you purchase. |
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Terrorism Information Awareness, a.k.a. "The Living Dead"Violations: Feeds your private information into its machinery as part of a wide range of experiments aimed at creating the ultimate monster in government surveillance. After faking its own death in September of 2003, TIA proceeded to assume multiple identities in order to continue operations in a more decentralized, harder-to-target fashion.Description: Suffers from "Big Brother" complex. Crafty and disingenuous, TIA uses vague threats of terrorism to justify its assault on the privacy rights of ordinary American citizens. Aliases: The Living Dead, The Re-animator Status: Has multiple hideouts. Also has cousins working in the biz at locations nationwide; see MATRIX, a.k.a. "Agent Smith." |
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DCS-1000, a.k.a. "Carnivore"Violations: Takes a bite out of your online privacy by using ISPs to create Internet traffic roadblocks and far-reaching dragnets.Description: Often presumed dead, DCS-1000 rose from the ashes the wake of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Aliases: Carnivore, Jaws Status: Can be found gnawing on the bloody remains of what appear to be your Fourth Amendment rights. |
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MATRIX, a.k.a. "Agent Smith"Violations: Strips you of your right to privacy under the guise of protecting you from the harsh reality of terrorist attacks. Replicates and inserts self in state legislatures nationwide.Description: Bears striking resemblance to other government-sponsored domestic surveillance programs that despite repeated assassination attempts simply will not die. Aliases: Agent Smith, Little Brother Status: Packing heat. Before approaching Agent Smith, we advise that you take the red pill. |
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USA PATRIOT Act, a.k.a. "The Eye of Sauron"Violations: Blithely discards your most cherished freedoms as a U.S. citizen; treats the Constitution as a mere inconvenience.Description: No sense of personal space. Does not recognize or respect others' personal boundaries. Drapes self in American flag. Aliases: The Eye of Sauron Status: PATRIOT's parents may obstruct investigation. Severely overprotective, they have so far resisted all efforts to bring PATRIOT in for reform/rehabilitation. |
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Data-mining, a.k.a. "The Mole"Violations: Digs into your personal records wherever it can find them.Description: Cagey, tight-lipped. This former renegade was once banished from society; now has several new homes on Capitol Hill. Precise nature of its operations remains a closely guarded secret. Aliases: The Mole, Clementine Status: Senator Russ Feingold (D-WI) has an outstanding warrant for its arrest. |
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CALEA for VoIP, a.k.a. "The Snitch"Violations: Wants to let the FBI listen in on your Net phone calls.Description: Old-timer who wants in on all the action. A player with loads of charm. Watch out. Aliases: The Snitch, Party Line, Son of Clipper Chip Status: The FCC may know its present whereabouts. |
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FISA, a.k.a "The Thug"Violations: In cahoots with the USA PATRIOT Act, takes a baseball bat to your fundamental rights and freedoms. Willfully redefines the meaning of justice.Description: A bully. Wears a ski mask. Likes to do business in the dark. Aliases: The Thug, The Star Chamber Status: Approach with extreme caution; under the influence of steroids supplied by the Ashcroft gang. |
