~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ eye WEEKLY August 4 1994 Toronto's arts newspaper .....free every Thursday ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ EYE NET EYE NET SEX, THE INTERNET AND THE IDIOTS by K.K. CAMPBELL There are two breeds of moron attracted to the Internet's relation to sex -- reporters and wankers. These categories may overlap, but that's beside the point. Canadian newsmedia owe a great deal of Internet education to Judge Francis Kovacs and his infamous Karla Homolka trial publication ban. That elevated the Internet to headline material. It is humorous to watch reporters/editors grope for net.literacy. Talk with Justin Wells (stem@sizone.pci.on.ca) and Ken Chasse (root@sizone.pci.on.ca), the chaps who created alt.fan.karla-homolka as a lark, then found themselves hounded by reporters asking for "banned information, please." Or check out The Star's early stories, where Usenet newsgroups are called "computer billboards" -- whatever the hell those are. MEDIA MORONS Mainstream journalists without a rallying issue like a trial ban invariably end up with nothing better to do then bang the drum about the 3 Ps: pedophilia, piracy and pornography. Take the recent Internet "child molesters" silliness. Some teen somewhere is enticed into sex with an adult -- through America On Line, not the Internet -- and we have an "epidemic." Chicago's Harlan Wallach (wallach@mcs.com) reported in alt.internet.media-coverage how some dink named James Coates wrote a column for the July 15 Chicago Tribune called "Beware cybercreeps lurking on the Internet." True enough. But Coates' purpose is to frighten the middle class with some probably made-up story about "Vito," who cruises the net hoping "to have sex with children in wheelchairs." I understand Coates' pain. I can't spend 10 minutes in Internet Relay Chat (IRC) before someone asks if I'm a child in a wheelchair looking for a sex partner. Wallach told eye Coates has been going like this for months now -- "a master at work." Couple of weeks ago, California nuclear research facility Lawrence Livermore Labs discovered one computer held some dirty pictures. An employee gave away a password. Someone used that access to store the images. People could connect and get them. Nothing was hacked. Big deal. But on July 13, CNN reporter Don Knapp swooped in to whip up hysteria. Doom was clearly imminent. "Computer security specialists were surprised to find what may be the largest computer collection ever of hardcore pornography at the nation's top nuclear weapons and research laboratory," Knapp intoned ominously. Almost 2000 megs! Gol-ly! (Incidentally, 99 per cent of it was individual shots of nude/semi-nude women, no sexually explicit acts. Playboy stuff.) CNN rang Wired magazine writer Brian Behlendorf (brian@wired.com) and woke him at home, excited about "a big break-in at Laurence Livermore." Hackers and porno! If CNN was lucky, the hacker was a child molester. Behlendorf consented to an interview. CNN immediately asked him to "find some pictures of naked women on the Net for us." Behlendorf recounted the incident: "I really wasn't interested in doing that. I don't know of any FSP/FTP sites offhand anyways, and really didn't want to be associated with pictures of NEKKID GRRLS."* But amiable Behlendorf slid over to alt.binaries.pictures.supermodels and grabbed a picture of a model in a swimsuit. He also picked up a landscape, a race car and a Beatles album cover "to show that other images get sent over Usenet as well," naively thinking this point would be made -- though he stresses he by no means condones distributing copyrighted images, "clean" or otherwise. Behlendorf was then made to sit beside a terminal displaying Ms String-Bikini throughout all his comments. "They made me keep returning to that damn bikini image ... over and over." But intrepid reporter Don Knapp assured us all is well -- for now. "Spokespeople for the national laboratories insist that at no time were the pornographers, nor the software pirates, able to cross over from the research network into the classified network. The labs say that, while they are embarrassed, national security was not breached." Whew. YOU'RE GETTING VERY STUP- ERR, SLEEPY... Then you have regular net.wankers. Whoever said, "Never underestimate the intelligence of the American public," must read alt.sex.* newsgroups. For instance, the charismatic Aabid (aabid@elm.circa.ufl.edu) wrote a touching post called "I would like an enema myself!" to newsgroup sci.chem (science: chemistry). "Looking for a Middle Eastern M or F to help me with my enema desires. If you can be of assistance please email me." Readers of sci.chem were very intrigued and Aabid has made many interesting new friends. The greatest example of alt.sex stupidity is: The Hypnosis Program. As a joke, Indiana's Steve Salter (ssalter@silver.ucs.indiana.edu) posted to alt.sex.stories that he had a "hypnosis program" -- which you cleverly slip onto another person's computer where it will so mesmerize the unsuspecting target, he/she becomes your SEXUAL PLAYTHING, BENDING TO YOUR EVERY WHIM! For weeks after, global village idiots pestered him for copies. "I must have received over a hundred requests via private email or in alt.sex.stories for a copy of the program," Salter told eye. He had to publicly post a reply to stem the tide: "No offense, but get a rather large clue. There is no such animal. That was a joke. I thought it was obvious. How many people out there really want to hypnotize someone secretly? What the fuck is wrong with all of you?! What age group are we dealing with here? There is no such program!!! Sheesh..." Personally, I'm in agreement with David Romm (71443.1447@compuserve.com) who wrote: "I really liked the hypnosis program. It was much better than Cats." MASSAGE MY MEDIUM To get your own porn, there are lots of sites. Ask for the latest in the alt.sex groups. Check out alt.binaries.pictures.erotica to grab a few images. For text erotica, read in alt.sex.stories . If you can't access alt.sex groups because, say, your university is run by prudes, write (ahem) "Hot Stuff" (anon1ea3@nyx10.cs.du.edu) for details about his mail-server. He makes available hundreds of stories. We at eye have yet to sample this collection but are intrigued by two items: "Perils of Red Tape," which we assume reveals the lust-riddled world of civil service, and "Tales from the Network," the story of lonely boys sitting around Friday nights fingering their groins in IRC, praying someone with a female- sounding alias drops by. * FootNote: NEKKID GRRLS is idiomatic fresh-off-the-BBS net.wanker- speak. This language can be learned by hanging around newsgroups like alt.2600 . To convince others you are a deadly cool net.cruiser, write: "HEY, elite pir-8 d00ds! I got more NEKKID GRRLS philes than ANY OF U!!!! And U censorship loosers can SUCK MY DICK!!!!!" Send it to alt.sex . Make sure to cross-post to the comp.sys.ibm.* hierarchy because PCs are the most common computer and you will reach a wider audience. If you can manage it, post through an anonymous account and leave your personal signature with real address in the text of the message. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Retransmit freely in cyberspace Author holds standard copyright Full issue of eye available in archive ==> gopher.io.org or ftp.io.org Mailing list available http://www.io.org/eye eye@io.org "Break the Gutenberg Lock..." 416-971-8421